SPOILERS - Um…probably anything up to "Run Away, Little Boy"
SUMMARY - Songfic. Tristan's thoughts after he leaves Chilton
RATING - PG
CONTENT - really mild
PAIRING OR CHARACTER - Tristan, T/R
DISCLAIMER - I don't own the show or any of the characters, they belong to the WB and Amy Sherman-Palladino, and all those people. I don't own the song, either, it was written by Thomas Flowers and belongs to the guys of Oleander.
Boys Don't Cry
Tristan walked slowly down the hall, away from Rory, giving her plenty of time to call out to him. He had come here tonight hoping that she would try to stop him, beg him not to leave. And he wouldn't leave, if she didn't want him to. True, his dad was planning to send him to military school, but Tristan knew that he could talk his way out of it without even trying. He also knew that it wasn't worth sticking around here anymore if he couldn't have her. For a moment, as Tristan was saying goodbye, was sure that she would say something. When he had made that comment about kissing her, she had gotten a look in her eyes that gave him a new hope. He must have misread it, though, because she was silent behind him as he left. He stopped at the end of the hall and looked back, but it seemed as though she had already forgotten about him. Paris came running out, wearing that Romeo costume, and she and Rory ran off to do their scene. Tristan's heart fell as he watched the one person he had ever loved walk away from him. Again.
The silence in the car was deafening. His father had long ago worn out all the lectures about "disgracing the family name", and now just stared straight ahead as he drove to the airport. Tristan sighed, and pulled out his walk man. This was going to be a long night. He pressed 'play' and closed his eyes, letting himself be swallowed by the music and his thoughts.
(i would say i'm sorry if i thought that it would change your mind,
but i know that this time i have said too much, been too unkind.
i would break down your feet and beg forgiveness, plead with you.
but i know that it's no use, cuz now there's nothing i can do.)
He wished that there was some way to show Rory how much she meant to him, but he knew that it was too late. He'd been a jerk to her from the very beginning. Honestly, though, he didn't know what else to do. She had turned his world upside down from the moment she walked in the door, and he had just been trying to hang on for dear life. It stung every time she rejected him, and the pain seemed to increase as he began to care for her more and more. When she had walked away from him for the first time, after that kiss, it had hurt so much. He couldn't show it, though. Tristan knew that he was nothing without this image he had worked so hard to create, and the great Tristan Dugrey would never let himself be hurt by some girl. So he acted just as suave and careless as usual, trying not to let anyone, especially her, see how much pain she had caused him.
(i try to laugh about it, cover it all up with lies
i try to laugh about it, hiding the tears in my eyes
cuz boys don't cry. boys don't cry)
Tristan had never loved anyone, not really. Despite his strong image, he was scared of being hurt, so he never let himself love anyone. Until Rory. Not that he ever let himself love her. He just couldn't help it. She made him feel like no one ever had before. That fire in her eyes when she argued with him was one of the few things in this world that made him feel alive. That, and her smile. Tristan sighed as he realized that he may never see her smile again.
(i would tell you that i love you if i thought that you would stay
but i know that it's too late cuz you've already gone away
misjudged your limits, pushed you too far, i took you for granted
i thought that you needed me more, more, more, more)
Things had gotten a little better between them after Madeline's party. They had even come close to being friends. He thought for a while that maybe there could be something more, but even after the kiss, Rory still seemed oblivious as to Tristan's feelings for her. And every day he saw her, he became that much desperate to have her in his arms. So he started pushing at her again, hoping that one day she would open her eyes and see right through his games, and realize how much he needed her. He hoped that maybe she would realize that she needed him, too. He had taken it too far, though, with the PJ Harvey thing. He'd been an idiot, and he knew it. All the while, his brain had been screaming at him to shut up, but he just couldn't stop. She had walked away from him that day for the second time, right into that stupid bagboy's arms. And tonight, as she had walked away from him again, Tristan had lost all hope that things might be different between them someday. She would never love him, and there was nothing he could do.
(i would do most anything to get you back by my side,
but i'll just keep on laughing, hiding the tears in my eyes.
cuz boys don't cry. boys don't cry.)
*That's right,* Tristan thought, *boys don't cry.* He sighed again, and stared out the window, blinking away the tears that stung his eyes.